When Technology Becomes a Weapon: Recognizing and Addressing Tech-Assisted Abuse
As a trauma therapist who specializes in relationship violence, I’ve had many clients share their experiences with control, coercion, manipulation, and intimidation. But in recent years, one unsettling theme keeps emerging: technology-assisted abuse. This is a modern form of coercion, and it’s more pervasive than many realize.
What is Technology-Assisted Abuse?
Technology-assisted abuse refers to the use of digital tools like smartphones, social media, tracking devices, smart home technology, and more, to control, harass, intimate, instill fear, gaslight, or monitor someone. This type of abuse can be subtle or overt, but the psychological impact is profound.
What Does It Look Like?
If you’re someone navigating this kind of abuse or questioning whether you are or not, here are key signs to watch for:
Excessive Monitoring: A partner demands access to your devices, emails, social media, or even banking apps, insisting it’s about “trust.” One thing is to willingly share that information because there is safety and trust within the relationship; and something completely different is to feel forced to do so or uncomfortable with the way in which that information is being used.
Location Tracking: GPS tracking via shared locations, AirTags, or hidden apps used to monitor someone's every move. In fact, many of the tracking apps marketed toward “tracking your children for safety reasons”, and things like that are actually utilized as well by people who want to control and monitor their partners even without their knowledge or consent. However, location tracking can be done even in very covert ways like when a person is willingly posting their location with a picture to say that they were there, or reviewing/rating a place, or sharing a status with a routine like “can’t start my day without my morning coffee - location”.
Digital Harassment: Constant texting, love-bombing, threats over messaging apps, or social media stalking—even after a breakup. There are sooo many ways in which people use social networking apps to track each other like if your location is on when you’re using Snapchat for connecting with your friends, now the geo-tracking has recorded your location and shared it.
Smart Home Control: Abusers using smart locks, cameras, or thermostats to control the home environment and create fear or discomfort. One form of abuse that tends to be overlooked is when a person moves out of a home and they retain control over smart-thermostats and change the settings to gaslight, confuse, scare, and also create high levels of discomfort for the people that still live in the home. Also when the people that still live in the home, change the settings, that alerts the abuser of their location and presence in the home.
Financial Control: Locking someone out of their own online banking, cancelling shared cards, Venmo, or other financial accounts; as well as transferring enough funds out of the accounts to make a person struggle to pay their bills and create significant distress. It may also be a way of tracking location by receiving notifications of withdrawals, where the funds are spent, and somewhat what the money was spent on.
Impersonation & Public Humiliation: Hacking into social media accounts, posting as the victim, or sharing private photos without consent. The sharing of private or explicit content of the person is also called Revenge Porn and the coercion associated with the threat to expose that kind of content is called Sextortion. Snapchat is one of the most common platforms used for this kind of harmful and illegal behavior. Check out my other blog post to learn more about these.
How Does It Affect Victims?
Victims often feel like they’re going “crazy”. They may also feel ashamed for going through this kind of experiences and they may even blame themselves. This kind of abuse can be extremely confusing and sometimes people question their own reality and whether it’s happening. They might say things like:
“I don’t even feel like I have privacy in my own home.”
“They always know where I am, even when I haven’t told them.”
“Every time I block them, they create another profile.”
“I could lose my job, kids, home if I don’t do what they say.”
“No one will believe me.”
The psychological toll is immense—hypervigilance, anxiety, self-doubt, and even a sense of learned helplessness.
What Your Therapist & Support System Should Do?
Believe the Person – Many people don’t recognize tech-assisted abuse as “real” abuse. Your people, should validate your experience and trust that you know what is really happening even if it sounds surreal and wild.
Assess for Safety – They should help you audit their devices. Suggest a cybersecurity checkup or even a fresh start with new accounts if necessary. Unfortunately, you may have to reset your phone to factory settings without downloading a back-up because typically, the back-up contains the harmful content that leads to the leaking of the information to the abuser.
Encourage Documentation – Screenshots, emails, and timestamps can help build a case if legal action is needed. Keep a calendar of what you’re noticing.
Empower Through Education – They should also support your learning regarding privacy settings, two-factor authentication, and online habits.
Refer to Experts – Domestic violence organizations and cybersecurity professionals can provide additional support, information, and even suggestions for prevention.
The Bottom Line
Abuse has evolved with technology, and so must our awareness. By recognizing the signs of tech-assisted abuse, we can help individuals reclaim their autonomy and rebuild their safety.
If this resonates with you—whether as a therapist, survivor, or concerned friend—know that there is help, and there is hope. No one deserves to live without safety.
If you're ready to embark on a journey of healing and personal transformation, I encourage you to consider the power of therapy and processing. Please contact me to schedule a consultation and learn more about how I can support you and help you achieve your goals.
I am dedicated to helping you create a life filled with greater joy, fulfillment, and resilience. Let's work together to reclaim your safety and power.
