Sextortion and Revenge Porn: Understanding, Coping, and Reclaiming Power through Online Therapy
In the digital age, building a relationship can lead to a level of comfortability, trust, and emotional safety that leads to the sharing of explicit content like images, videos, or even messages. Unfortunately, these can be used for control, humiliation, and coercion. Sextortion and revenge porn are devastating forms of abuse that leave victims feeling powerless, ashamed, and isolated. As an online trauma therapist, I want to offer education, validation, and guidance for those who have experienced this, and for those who wish to support them.
What Are Sextortion and Revenge Porn?
Sextortion is when someone threatens to share intimate images or videos unless the victim complies with demands—whether that’s sending more content, providing money, or engaging in other forms of coercion.
Revenge porn is the non-consensual sharing of explicit content, often by an ex-partner, with the intent to shame, humiliate, or retaliate against the victim.
Both of these violations exploit trust, vulnerability, and privacy, leaving deep emotional and psychological wounds. Unfortunately, people may experience these forms of abuse from someone, known to them or not, who may not even be their partner like in cases where outside parties have been able to hack or garnish access to their personal accounts for this purpose. Awareness is critical while recognizing that YOU are NOT responsible for someone else’s behavior and what they choose to do to cause harm.
How Victims May Feel: The Psychological Impact to process in online therapy
Victims often describe feeling:
Shame and self-blame – “I should never have trusted them”, or “it’s my fault for doing x, y, z.”
Fear and anxiety – “Will this ever go away?”, “what will happen next?”, “will they follow through with their promises?”
Helplessness – “I have no control over what happens next”, “they control me and my life now.”
Depression and suicidal thoughts – “My life is ruined”, “I will never recover from this”, “how can I ever look at people again or leave my house again?”
These feelings are natural responses to a deeply harmful and destabilizing experience, but it’s crucial to remember: you are not to blame. The abuser is responsible for their actions.
What Can You Do if You’re Experiencing This?
Take Control Where You Can – Report the content to the platform it was shared on. Some sites have policies to remove non-consensual content.
Document Everything – Take screenshots of threats, messages, and any evidence that may help in legal action.
Seek Support – You don’t have to go through this alone. Confide in a trusted friend, therapist, or support group.
Explore Legal Options – Laws on sextortion and revenge porn are evolving. Many states and countries have legal protections. But only YOU get to decide what is right for you and if that entails legal action, great, if it doesn’t, great too. You are the only expert in what the best option for you is.
Practice Self-Compassion – This is not your fault. Shame thrives in silence, but healing happens in connection. Healing IS possible and nothing is permanent.
How Can Friends, Family, and Professionals Help?
Listen Without Judgment – Avoid victim-blaming language like “Why did you send those pictures?” This is NOT their fault. Only the perpetrator is causing this.
Validate Their Experience – Let them know their feelings are real and understandable.
Help Them Take Steps – Assist in figuring out their options, empower them to make the decisions that feel right to them regardless of your own opinion, find resources and support, or connect with a therapist for them or for you to learn how to be the best support possible.
Encourage Self-Care – Small acts of self-kindness can help in reclaiming a sense of control since for that, you have to focus on what you can control and what feels right for you. Even when we are in crisis, we need to rest and restore so that we can be fully present in making decisions that work for us. Resilience isn’t about pushing non-stop, it’s about re-energizing too so that we can have the energy and capacity to continue confronting the challenges we are navigating.
Reclaiming Power
Healing from sextortion or revenge porn is not just about damage control—it’s about reclaiming your narrative and understanding that this moment does not define you. You are more than what was done to you. For something to happen to us, it CANNOT be bigger than us.
If you or someone you know is struggling with this, please know that help is available. You are not alone. Support, advocacy, and healing are within reach through online therapy or virtual counseling.
Have you or a loved one been affected by sextortion or revenge porn? Let’s continue the conversation. Awareness and support can be powerful tools in breaking the cycle of digital abuse.
