Challenging Victim-Blaming: Promoting Survivor-Centered Language through Online Therapy

One of the first few things that we are taught while training to offer support to victims and survivors is that the reaction from the first person they tell about their experiences will determine whether they feel like they can share with anyone else or not. Words have power. The way we talk about trauma and those who experience it shapes how survivors perceive themselves and how society responds to their pain. Online therapy is a great resource for processing ways to implement survivor-centered language as well as explore the impact that victim-blaming has had on survivors.

Too often, victims of abuse, assault, and other forms of harm are met with language that subtly (or overtly) shifts responsibility onto them instead of holding perpetrators accountable. No one is responsible for anyone else’s actions and that absolutely applies in these cases. This is known as victim-blaming, and it is a major barrier to healing, justice, and cultural change. One complicating factor is when people know the person that caused the hurt. People WANT to believe that there is no way that person would absolutely ever do anything like that… However, people do hurt others and just because they didn’t hurt us, doesn’t mean they wouldn’t hurt someone else. We need to learn that people don’t fit into the boxes that we want to put them in; there is soooo much more complexity than that.

As an online trauma therapist, I want to explore how we can challenge victim-blaming narratives and promote survivor-centered language—words that validate, empower, and support healing.

What Is Victim-Blaming?

Victim-blaming is the action of implying or outright stating that a survivor is at fault for their own trauma. It can sound like:

• “Why did you go back to them after they did that?”

• “What were you wearing that night?”

• “Did you say no?”

• “You should have known better than to send those pictures.”

• “What did you say to make them think that?”

• “If you really wanted to leave, you should have.”

These statements, whether intentional or not, invalidate survivors’ experiences and reinforce harmful myths about abuse, consent, agency, and responsibility. They also set the tone for people to feel alone, isolated, and like there is no one there for them.

Why Does Language Matter?

The words we use influence how survivors process their trauma. When we use victim-blaming language, we impact individuals, as well as our culture and systems. We perpetuate a culture where there isn’t accountability and where survivors are made to defend themselves and prove the harm they experienced. survivors may:

• Feel shame and self-doubt, believing they are responsible for what happened.

• Be less likely to seek help, fearing judgment or disbelief.

• Internalize the belief that they deserved the harm, impacting self-worth and healing.

Conversely, when we use survivor-centered language, we communicate that:

• The responsibility lies with the perpetrator, not the victim.

• Survivors are believed, supported, and respected.

• Healing is possible, and they are not alone.

How to Use Survivor-Centered Language

Here are some ways to shift our language to be more empowering and trauma-informed:

1. Shift from “Why did you…?” to “I’m so sorry this happened to you.”

Instead of questioning a survivor’s actions, validate their experience. Questions that start with “Why did you…?” can feel accusatory and dismissive.

✅ “You didn’t deserve this. I believe you.” ❌ “Why didn’t you fight back?”

2. Name the Harm Clearly

Use words that accurately describe the situation without minimizing it. However, also give the survivor power to describe and name their own experiences instead of us naming them for them.

✅ “They made a choice to hurt you.” ❌ “It was just a misunderstanding.”

✅ “I hear that this had a pretty significant impact on you.” ❌ “Something bad happened.”

3. Avoid Language That Implies Control Over the Situation

Abuse, assault, and exploitation are about power and coercion—not bad decisions by the person experiencing the harm.

✅ “Would you say that you feel manipulated?” ❌ “You should have known better.”

✅ “They took advantage of your trust.” ❌ “They wouldn’t have done this, if they didn’t think you wanted it.”

How We Can Advocate for Change

• Model survivor-centered language in conversations, social media, jokes, and professional settings.

• Educate others on the impact of victim-blaming and the importance of supportive language.

• Call out harmful language when we hear it, even when it’s unintentional. Jokes about someone being hurt or experiencing violence are absolutely not okay and perpetuate everything that’s wrong with our culture including prison rape for example.

• Encourage institutions (media, schools, law enforcement) to adopt trauma-informed practices and to challenge their archaic practices when present.

Final Thoughts

Survivors deserve to be met with compassion, validation, and respect. By challenging victim-blaming and promoting survivor-centered language, we help create a world where healing is possible, justice is pursued, and no one carries the weight of trauma alone nor responsibility for someone else’s behavior.

Let’s be intentional with our words—because they have the power to either harm or heal.

Please contact me to schedule a consultation and learn more about how I can help you and support you achieve healing through online therapy/virtual counseling.

I am dedicated to helping you create a life filled with greater joy, fulfillment, and resilience. Let's work together to help you heal.