What Online Therapy Should Feel Like: Finding the Right Online Therapist for You
Therapy isn’t just about talking—it’s about feeling seen, safe, and supported. It’s about having a space where you can finally exhale, knowing you don’t have to pretend to be okay. If you’ve ever had a bad therapy experience or struggled to find the right fit, you’re not alone. The right therapist can make all the difference in your pathway to healing.
It is okay to explore your options and not settle for a person that just has availability. Online therapy now expands your horizons and it is okay to seek out the right therapist for YOU.
Therapy Should Feel Safe
First and foremost, therapy should be a space where you feel emotionally and physically safe. If you’re a survivor of trauma, especially interpersonal violence, this is crucial. A good therapist will never pressure you to share before you're ready or at all. I always say to my clients “you can share as much or as little as you want about your experiences”. They’ll move at your pace, honoring your boundaries and choices.
Therapy Should Feel Supportive, and Non-Judgmental
You should never feel judged, shamed, or dismissed by your therapist. A good therapist—whether they specialize in EMDR therapy, trauma-informed care, or another approach—will listen with curiosity and compassion. They won’t minimize your experiences or tell you how you “should” feel or what you “should” do. Instead, they’ll validate your emotions, help you navigate them without pressure or expectation, and offer some options for you to decide what next and what is right for you. In my sessions, I always honor the client as the expert in their own experiences and I’m just there to facilitate their process and support them through it.
Therapy Should Acknowledge Your Identity
For many BIPOC individuals, finding a therapist who understands the intersections of culture, race, and trauma is essential. A BIPOC therapist or a culturally competent clinician will understand how generational trauma, systemic oppression, and cultural expectations impact mental health. You shouldn’t have to educate your therapist on your lived experience—they should already have the awareness to hold space for it whether they share your identities or not.
Therapy Should Feel Collaborative
The best therapy isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach. It’s a collaboration. Your therapist should work with you to create a treatment plan that makes sense for you. Whether you’re exploring EMDR therapy for trauma, cognitive-behavioral techniques for anxiety, or mindfulness for emotional regulation, your input should always be valued and prioritized. You’re not just a client—you’re an active participant in your healing. A therapist that upholds a power differential where they act as the experts can actually lead to perpetuating harm, lack of safety, oppression, and distrust.
Therapy Should Be Accessible and Flexible
Life is busy, and traditional in-office therapy isn’t always realistic. That’s where online therapy comes in. Virtual counseling sessions can offer the same level of connection and healing as in-person therapy, but with the flexibility to meet from the comfort of your own space. If commuting, scheduling, or accessibility has been a barrier, online therapy can be a game-changer. I would encourage you to explore that option if you feel curious and then determine if that is the right path for you or not.
Signs You’ve Found the Right Therapist
You feel heard and respected.
You don’t feel rushed or pressured to share more than you’re ready for.
Your therapist validates your emotions rather than dismissing them.
They respect your cultural background and lived experiences.
You feel like you’re working as a team toward healing.
You leave sessions feeling lighter, not burdened.
You feel like you are achieving your treatment goals and making progress.
They have expertise in your area of interest and continues to seek out education on how to support you effectively.
If Therapy Hasn’t Felt Like This, Keep Looking
Not every therapist will be the right fit, and that’s okay. If you’ve had a negative experience, know that it’s not a reflection of therapy as a whole—it’s a sign that you haven’t found the right person yet. Healing is too important to settle for a space where you don’t feel fully seen and supported. Therapy is about YOU and your process; not about having to make the therapist feel like they are effective at helping you or protect them from rejection. If you have felt like you have to make your therapist feel liked, I would encourage you to look inward and explore if maybe there is room for exploration of your own emotional boundaries and need to please others. You deserve to be free from that pressure and take care of yourself.
The right therapist exists for you. Whether you’re seeking a BIPOC therapist, exploring online EMDR therapy, or trying out online therapy, you deserve a space where you feel safe, validated, and empowered to heal. Keep looking until you find it—because you are worth it. A great strategy to do that is asking for a 15minute free consultation to get a feel for your prospective therapist’s approach.
If you're ready to embark on a journey of healing and personal transformation, I encourage you to reach out. I am passionate about trauma-informed care in all spaces as well as creating safety so you can process your experiences at your own pace. Please contact me to schedule a consultation and learn more about how online trauma therapy can help you achieve your goals.
I am dedicated to helping you create a life filled with greater joy, fulfillment, and resilience. Let's work together to start your healing journey.
